Time

I guess that this marks the beginning of my fourth month in Japan. September, October, November: three months done with and most of the California students leaving soon. It is strange to think that many of my new friends and the now familiar faces are going to be gone. Their time with here is done already. Come to think of it, Keith only had three months here, too. How could they be down with so quickly? I was speaking with Liane the other day and she gave me some advice that I should have been following all this time. Because I came here knowing that I would be staying all year, whenever something was scheduled to happen, I didn’t make such a strong effort to attend. Sure I went to activities or events that sounded fun or exciting, but if I missed one outing, I told myself that there was always next time. But for some exchange students like Liane, there would be no next time. She told me that she did not sleep much here. If she did, then she’d miss out on hanging out with friends, going somewhere new, or doing something she can never do again. The other day, I didn’t climb Mt. Takao because I told myself that I could do it in the spring. I also missed out on dinner with my friends because they told me that it would be too late. I didn’t fight them on that subject, but just went home because I thought that we could always just go out another day. No big deal. But maybe it is a big deal. I might be too busy in the spring. Something might happen between now and then that makes it impossible for me to go. That night could have been the last night for me to go out with everyone. Likewise, just staying home in my dorm with the other students could be an important event. By going to bed early or heading up to my room before everyone else, I thought that I was being responsible and getting proper rest. But look at Liane, she didn’t sleep for fear of missing out on the moment and still she had regrets. What if I stay for a year and keep living the way I’m living? Will I have more regrets than her? I still have time, and she is already gone. I should stop holding myself away from everyone when they are close to me now. Later, when I have no way of being with them, I will wish that I had another day, another evening, or another moment to make them smile or share a drink. This may sound like I am talking about death instead of leaving Japan. Maybe I’ll come back, but no one could even guarantee that I’d come here the first time. Who can say that I will come back just because I plan on it?

In retrospect, I have done so much already (like Wadaiko, the OYRangers, teaching English to the high schoolers, and making friends - a difficult task for me), and my Japanese is better than when I first came. I would definitely not say my time has been wasted, but did I miss out on too much by trying to be practical? Should I take more chances, get more involved, go more places, not worry so much about money? Not go crazy, but not be as scared about if something is feasible or entirely rational. It makes some sense. I should live like next week isn’t coming, like I’m leaving at the end of the term, or like I actually won’t be able to come back to Japan again. This means that I won’t be on facebook or skype as often, I’m afraid. I’ll be there by appointment only to help keep me from being so dependent on home.

I’m sorry to have such a downer of a blog entry, everyone, but this has been on my mind for a while. Maybe it was the unhealthy amount of sugar recently that left my mind in a candy-coma. Maybe it was all the cheesy Japanese dramas and music videos that have me feeling a little depressed. Maybe it is because I've been stuck nearly alone in my dorm for 2 weeks! But I digress; speaking about not wasting time, I’ll be sure to post pictures and info about Disney, the Taiko after-party, traveling to Kobe with Gina, and other adventures on here for you to see.

p.s. People came back to the dorm today, so now there are actually people to talk to again. I was starting to spend all my time in the Yearbook club room, but now I can be social in my own dorm again. Finally!